Which Way is Up?

  

Have you ever been so stressed, confused and filled with anxiety that you just don’t know which direction to go toward at the cross roads?

That’s basically where I’ve been for the last three to four weeks.

I’ve been working extremely hard in my current job balancing that with my aggressive training increasing the past few months. But in the midst of me chugging along and pushing harder daily, I sort of lost sight of my overall goals I had set for the year ahead.

 

No, I didn’t forget them. I simply put what I was doing everyday ahead of my overall goals and really obsessed over perfecting certain  areas in my life. But..I am human and I make mistakes, everyone gets that.

But when I don’t get the results I want or the answers I want on my time or in the way I want, well I’m very hard on myself and I get frustrated!

That’s why I kind of dropped off my blogging the last few weeks and I am sorry!! 😦

I’ve been dealing with my first running injury ever, stressing over some very BIG, adult decisions soon, emotional uncertainty in relationships, and impatience with my progress.

A few weeks ago after a race I ran and won first female and 4th overall with a decent time, I realized and had to admit to myself that I might be..Injured.

That’s the one word any athlete doesn’t want to admit is true when it happens. We work so hard for what we want to acheive and when an injury occurs, we pretend it’s not real.

That’s what I did at least. Until I literally could barely walk without pain. So I’ve been emotionally and physically(obviously) dealing with that for the last few weeks.

I’ve decreased my training load and started rehabbing my Post tib(posterior tibialis tendon) and arch. I’ve seen a doc and got new orthotics which are helping..but this injury is slowly healing and I’m training through it for now.

It couldn’t come at a worse time too as I just got officially contracted with Skechers Performance for running and being an ambassador for them to race a few weeks ago AND the GATE RIVER RUN USA 15K Championship is this weekend.

I’ve been planning for this race for months and it’s a BIG one for me and to race for Skechers and try to nail a good time. Then..I have to deal with this “injury” so I won’t be 100% and I have all sorts of stressors any athlete would have going into such a huge weekend(not only for the race but some of you close to me know what else I’ve been praying for in the future for Jacksonville and me)…

Needless to say, there has been a LOAD of things on my mind lately, good and bad stress.

But, one thing I’ve had to remind myself constantly is that I can only control my attitude and effort and do everything I possibly can to prime my body and mind for this weekend and whatever happens ahead.

And, I KNOW I have. My Dad is the one person who knows exactly what to tell me when I get all freaked out and have a panic attack and one day seems like it’s all over and I can’t do anything right.

He reminded me that NO one has done what I have done in my position or worked harder that I have for the things I am working at in my circumstances right now. He told me to have a little more faith and patience. And he’s right.

Sometimes, in the midst of stress, we tend to magnify our problems. But when the smoke clears, you realize that there is a way out.

I know I won’t be injured forever, I will heal and I will get back to race shape soon and God will direct me wherever I need to be when I’m ready.

My new coach talked to me today and he knows how nervous I am for this race. But he told me to relax,

“Don’t panic. This is not your Olympics. Your best days are ahead of you”.

He’s absolutely right and no matter what happens during the race, even if I run a sub par time for what I expect of myself, I will always know I didn’t give up. I’ll freaking hobble through the finish if it means finishing.

The thought of going into a race knowing I am not going to be 100% healthy or race ready terrifies me to say the least. Especially knowing the extremely elite quality of athletes I have the privilege to race against..

But, I’m running this race. I’m going to do everything I can to race the best I can for myself and for Skechers Performance. And after the race, I’m going to reevaluate my healing foot and get better.

For now, I just wanted to share a little of why I dropped off the blogging world! I love writing but when something personal is distracting me, especially dealing with my gift and love for running I am consumed by it.

I’m still not entirely sure which way is up at times, but I never give up and I’ll keep going until I get there.

 

 

 

 

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