Before that day I was half broken like many of us,spiritually. (Half-way surrendering our hearts,minds & bodies to what God has called us to.)
For me, I masked the pain of broken relationships(the last year & a half) putting faith in others & myself, ending college torn between career paths & a desire to continue competitive running.
I was pretty much living to please myself & mask my own hurts, uncertainties, not really overly concerned with serving or intentionally living to fully trust God w/ “my” plans. I’m not saying I was a bad person, I was & am a Christian. I didn’t have some sort of big “crisis” or unhealthy spiral but I guess I was having a severe spiritual battle for my heart. I lived with the lie that many people do in my generation,that it’s okay to give half of your self committed to following God & the other half making quick mental justifications for worldly actions. I feel like God had enough of that and wanted me to choose, he wanted my whole heart.
Sometimes we’re blind & don’t see a need for Christ until we are caught in a storm.
When I was running that day alone, I fell & slipped between concrete slabs.
I fell back,hit my back,head and neck & tailbone bruised. I blacked out. When I came to, I was in so much pain, bleeding, confused and had no idea where I was. I was scared and staggered up and just ran. I made it to my car and then the shock hit.
I still can’t remember much about that day because I blacked out & hit my head & got a concussion. I’m not sure how long I was unconscious but I somehow got back to my car bleeding & aching.
I unlocked my car & the shock hit & I called Kyle, my Roomate because he happened to text me just then.
The rescue team came to get me, took me to the hospital & I spent the day recovering w/ friends & loved ones watching me. I know it may not seem that bad to some of you but it really could have been much, much worse.
I did lose my short term memory for a few days and kept repeating the same questions to my Roomate and his girlfriend on the way to the hospital. I still can’t remember every detail, but other than a little physical ruins that went away, my spirit was completely rebuilt.
My parents got the call in church that day & thought all the worst cases like most would.
Jesus is a similar rescue to us in distress and when we realize we need him. He meets us where we fall and he’s our rescue.
Pastor Chris talked about resurrection tonight at the Good Friday Easter service. But he talked more about just the cross and how Jesus died for us. He talked about that power being able to resurrect us. Like Jesus, we can be resurrected from the death we live everyday.
What does that mean?
Well, I feel like when I had my fall and I woke up and recovered..I had my own resurrection.
I could no longer go back across the bridge and live the same way I had before because I wasn’t the same. When you have a relationship with Jesus and fully trust him and go all in, everything is different in that your heart doesn’t need or desire the same things. In that way, you’re set free of any doubts, fears, insecurities, shame our guilt. You live knowing God loves you so much no matter where you’re at. You trust that he will take care of you and you don’t worry about things as you used to because you’re resurrected in Him, in his hope. And it is so much better.
That day, I made an internal choice for eternity. I wouldn’t go back across that bridge again,(metaphorically) I couldn’t even look behind. It was sort of like my own hearts resurrection from that water there.
That God was wiping clean the hurt & sins I had masked from him. Jesus, the ultimate rescuer for all of us-He picked me up from there & took me in his loving arms. beaten down, bruised, imperfect, knowing I wouldn’t be able to fully comprehend the weight of his sacrifice for me in this life. Jesus loves us and He’s always on our side, no matter what side of the bridge we find ourselves on today. He only asks that we follow Him with all of our hearts.
God gave me a choice that day, like he gives all of us. Follow Him where you’re at now. Like PC said today, Jesus won’t leave you like he found you.
For me, I knew Jesus but I wasn’t following Him the way He calls us to, & it’s always better His way, trust me. I left it all there & I’m incredibly glad I had that fall because it woke me from the sleep i’de been living in my drifting faith. Jesus has never not been there & I feel blessed to know Him & know his love. I can’t imagine doing life without His rescue and I’ll never settle for anything less because there is nothing better.
I loved that tonight the highlands worship team absolutely CRUSHED “resurrecting” my favorite song by elevation worship! 🙂
PC’s How to’s from my notes(how to resurrect your glorious ruins)-
3.stop doubting(slowly workin on this one!)
4. Start living!! (Be fearless in your pursuit and faith, don’t give up)
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